As I sit writing this, with my baby girl fast asleep and my husband cuddled up with our son, I’m reminded of the powerful transformation you can go through as a Mother.
I actually never wanted children. Rather, I was wrapped up in the idea of being an Entrepreneur with a flashy lifestyle. Turns out however, when two individuals meet, who are destined to make babies, the force is strong!
So two kiddies later and wow, Motherhood!…what an exhilarating, life-changing, challenging, rewarding, exhausting and expansive ride; an unanticipated, unexpected and remarkable cocktail of emotions and experiences.
The woman I am today has changed enormously from the woman who stood in the bathroom five years ago, proudly clutching a positive pregnancy test and I wonder how many Mum’s give themselves credit for not only navigating Motherhood, but also exploring the inevitable transformation that occurs along the way?
To document my own journey is beyond this blog. However, what I’d like to share with you is perhaps the most compelling experience I’ve enjoyed so far…and that is encapsulated in one word, ALLOW.
As a couple, Arian and I are extremely adaptable; in life, with each other and as a family. We carve out a certain routine, apply it, assess it and change it. This makes it sound rather military! In reality it goes something like this:
Me: “Ok, shall we give this a go and see how we get on?”
Arian: “Yeah sure”.
TIme passes….
Arian: “Erm, not sure this is really working. What do you think?”
Me: “No, it’s not. Let’s change it and try something else!”
We thrive on change, we apply lessons we’ve learnt and we’re very resilient when adopting unconventional approaches. It’s how we roll and it works for us.
So after a recent challenging period, and after some insightful pearls of wisdom from our dear friend Lu, we began to see things differently and we flipped things within the family dynamics.
I stepped back…like totally!… from work, earning, controlling and decision making. Yes, it was a big shift and sometimes I can feel myself slipping back to these masculine traits. However, on the whole, I’ve flowed very easily into Motherhood.
After a lifetime striving I’d never contemplated this completely natural and feminine approach. Dare I even say it out loud that ‘JUST’ (??!!!!?!?!?) being a Mum had never seemed ‘enough’. At least, this is what society would have us believe.
Yet I now spend every day with Max and Sofia and it feels like time stands still. It’s more than enough…it’s EVERYTHING.
Two little humans are developing before my eyes and I have the pleasure of witnessing every moment; marvelling at their facial expressions, smiling at their mannerisms and going to bed with the sound of their laughter echoing in my ears.
Don’t get me wrong, I have tough days. Don’t we all? Days where I lose my patience, feel grumpy and tired and deal with things in a less than compassionate way.
However, these moments pass quickly.
Every evening, when the kids are in bed, my cup is overflowing with words, moments and memories from our day together and I’m so grateful.
No more ‘to do’ lists, no more scheduling every minute of every day, no more juggling, no more multitasking. I simply had to allow: Allow myself to pour out fully the infinite stream of love that flows inside me. Allow myself to trust that by not trying to control everything, things will not fall apart. Allow myself to surrender to the absolute joy of motherhood. Allow myself to live in the present moment and stare endlessly at my children’s faces, to watch with such curiosity their view of the world. Allow myself the pleasure of really getting to know my children. Allow myself to feel safe as my Husband takes care of things.
The more I allowed myself to surrender to Motherhood, the more exquisitely beautiful it became.
With just five weeks until we set off on ‘The Hike’, this evolution has come at the perfect time (as they always do!) I feel acutely tuned in to the children; their moods, emotions, needs and desires and I’ve also gained incredible confidence as a Mum.
I’m ready for the adventure that lies before us and through the good days and the bad, I’ll be loving, nurturing and enjoying them on a level I never thought possible.
My word again for 2024…ALLOW!
I’d love to hear your word for this year and how it’s impacting you in the comments below.
With love
Laura x
