By Design

If you saw us walking towards you, what emotions would arise?

It’s likely a sight you won’t have seen before. A man, pulling a sizable trailer loaded with bags, spades and a kid’s bike; a young boy cycling behind him with a glow of freedom beaming from his active body and a woman pushing a double seated stroller with a small girl nestled inside gently playing with her baby doll and eagerly watching her older brother.

You’d likely experience one of three responses.

1. Excitement and curiosity, as the murmurings of inspiration stir inside you.
2. Questioning and disbelief as you process the configuration before you.
3. No acknowledgement at all, as you continue to go about your daily business focusing on the ‘to do’s’ to tick off that day. 

When the journey began, the stares and glances from passer-bys felt uncomfortable. There was an element of self consciousness as the eyes rested on each one of us. However, on day thirty three, it’s become light, fun and interesting to embrace the different responses as each one comes with the potential to ignite connection.

Most commonly, we’re approached by interested observers and we welcome the opportunity to stop and engage in enchanting conversation and exchange delightful stories. This reciprocity was a much anticipated element of the adventure and it is enormously fulfilling. As parents, we have the opportunity to enjoy more in depth adult conversations, stimulated by the stories and enquiries of others, and the children are exposed to the beauty of human kinship. Max’s confidence to introduce himself and join in continues to grow and Max and Sofia’s ability to make new friends using the universal language of play is flourishing.

The journey is proving to be everything it was designed to be; an adventure to connect deeper with nature, others and ourselves.

The first few weeks felt sticky and disjointed as we settled into life on the road. There was resistance to slow down, frequent challenges to communicate and an undertone of seriousness as the reality began to stick. There were four individuals with varying needs and desires learning to blend together and dance in the new flow of life. 

After two weeks, I woke one morning with an underlying sadness and a lack of inner fulfilment. Despite the novelty of the situation, I concluded that this wasn’t caused by the external environment, but from an absence of self importance. My default to put others first was prevalent and in doing so I had lost my voice and the ability to honour my needs. The mood hung heavy around my shoulders as I sat with the familiar thoughts, feelings and emotions of not being enough.

I observed what was going on in a calm and accepting way, without allowing the ego to take its nasty hold and patiently waited for it to pass. Over the next forty eight hours, I deconstructed these old beliefs and welcomed the possibility of new foundations. 

I can now feel myself evolving with every step. There is a subtle and gentle blossoming in confidence combined with a willingness to speak out and accept myself just as I am. I realise that there is no end point of growth, rather it’s a continually evolving journey. This recent shift has brought rise to the idea that I don’t need ‘fixing’. Rather, I’m able to appreciate that we are multifaceted beings and that all parts of ourselves; past, present and future are necessary and valuable to make us unique.

Additionally, there is a desire to eliminate procrastination, seize the moments and grab the opportunities! 

Moreover, there’s a deeper connection with the kids as I enjoy more head space, patience and tolerance. I’m able to notice my own fatigue and deal with it and can better regulate myself and recover from negative thoughts rather than spiralling onto egoic self-talk. 

Arian and I are enjoying a deeper connection, a lighter energy and a more fun and playful relationship, better able to brush off tough moments instead of taking it out on each other. 

Each day, I’m enjoying the small moments to myself without feeling the need to fill them with anything other than breath. 

Over a month into the journey, our new norm has become as familiar as the soft, warm sleeping bags that envelope our bodies each night. We’re able to feel our way through the uniqueness of each day, finding our groove in the absence of any structure or routine. 

Feeling in flow, happy, content and confident, I trust that this journey will continue to give us exactly what we need in each given moment and for that, I am extremely grateful.